Okay Fam, here it is. First, I pray your holidays have been blessed, safe, and full of joy and contentment. So this is Bella, and yes, I'm still a bisexual, transwoman, whose gender expression is fluid. However, this is a result of the spiritual warfare I succumbed to when i was originally heterosexual, cis-male, and Christian, but had not wanted to trust in and wait on God for companionship His way, and so I went against all I believed in -- and His Word -- and became queer to find companionship my way in my time, thus, my struggle began.
My introduction and blog, I feel has gotten off on the wrong start because I wa trying to have it conform to what may be most relevant and interesting to my readers. However, my desire had ever been for it to be a live journal of my daily prison life, my experiences, and struggles, with the hope that I would a) attract many new penpals, ans b) make new friends/connections; and c) that hopefully through my trials and tribulations and my open transparency about my double minded struggle, someone may find solutions to aid in their own journey to wholeness mentally/emotionally and spiritually, and/or that it would help them to find the courage to be open about their own mental/emotional health struggle, knowing that: it's OK both to be broken and to be vulnerable.
It's my hope, herein, to exemplify that when we are obedient, bearing our Cross and denying ourselves, in faithful submission to God, even when/if it hurts, that God too, is always good and always faithful.
So yes, I'm LGBTQI and an eclectic, solitary, and druidic witch-aspirant. But I will be 100? Honest: it is my hopes that God will bring me to a place of faithfulness and trust in Him, as I colabor with Him obediently, so that he can restore me to my masculine hetero-cis-manhood, and gentlemanly chivalry I once aspired and strove to exemplify.
But be you LGBTQI+, or hetero, or trans, Christian, Pagan, Muslim or otherwise, i love, respect, and embrace you all; and it is my highest hope to know you, network with you, communicate with you, and hopefully be an inspiration, encouragement and both teacher and pupil, through example. It is my heartfelt desire that via my open struggles, as I work out my faith with reverence (fear) and trembling before God, and you all, as you all see God interact with me and see my life change and improve, hopefully, you too will be encouraged and inspired to give God another try, or for the first time, but sincerely and as a result, that some of you will come to faith, and a love relationship with Jesus, God's son, and the best friend any of us could have.
But trust me, I'm up and I'm down, hot and cold, because spiritual warfare is real and walking by faith and not by sight is not easy, nor for the faint of heart. So some days, you'll feel you're hearing from Bella, others from Shawn, a.k.a. Sylinse, as though I am two different people, but I'm not. Bella and Shawn are two sides to the same person: one, the effeminate, witchy, queer tranny, Bella; the other, the masculine, sic-male, and spiritual warrior Christian, Shawn, fighting and struggling to live for God, and faithfully pursue His Will and Calling upon my life. Somedays I stumble, some days I'm victorious. But God is faithful and always present, and always at work, and never changes. God is good... ALL THE TIME, and always at work.
Just so you know: I'm presently taking three Book courses to better myself, and share them here with you now:
- The Bridges to Life Program, in tandem with the Book: Restoring Peace;
- Experiencing God Workbook
- Discipleship Essentials Workbook
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