Is the death penalty a deterrent?

"As I near my rental car, a couple of reporters from the witness room start shouting questions at me. Do I really believe the death penalty is a deterrent?"

From the character Penn Cage in Greg Iles' book The Quiet Game, Chapter 20, ©1999.

 Greetings loved ones. And yes, to me, if you're in the free world and taking time out of your busy lives to read my pathetic and ignorant attempts at blogging, in hopes to connect with free world, civilized society, then you are, in fact, loved ones to me. I'm deeply touched and thankful for your readership. I just wish that your interest extended to corresponding with me personally. But I digress.

While reading Mr. Greg Iles novel, The Quiet Game, I ran across the question above, which a reporter at the viewing of a lethal injection upon a convicted racist hate-crime murderer, asks the ex-prosecuting attorney-turned author the question, and I was compelled to ask myself the same.

As you all must know from reading my blog, I'm unfortunately imprisoned myself with a life sentence for a 1st degree murder which I've hated myself for and my soul has been tormented over ever since.

My feelings and thoughts regarding the deterrence, as well as the justice, or lack thereof, are dubious, at best. It is an uncomfortable topic for me to discuss, because I believe I deserved the death sentence for my crime -- i.e. until I think about the kind of person I truly was and am, and how uncharacteristic of me my crime was, and having been the one and only violent offence I've ever committed in my life. But that's not the point.

Is the death penalty a deterrent? Astoundingly. I must say that I suspect not. Why?  Because, in my case, my mind was focused on committing a senseless murder which I never wanted to commit in the first place, but felt entrapped and forced to. I was terrified and heartbroken at what I was doing even before and as I went through with it.

But I can honestly say, of all the jumbled drug and alcohol-hazed thoughts in my mind at that terrible time, I do not recall the prospect of receiving the death penalty, or even the realistic specter of being apprehended and arrested, let alone convicted, ever being upon my mind that night, save for some subconscious, vague fear in the back of my mind which my psyche wasn't ready to process, yet. You'd have thought quite the contrary, huh? I would have.

As it stands, as absurd as the notion is, I suspect folk committing such violent -- or any -- crime, rarely, initially even stop to consider the consequences and repercussions of their actions until after the fact. Some idiots, foolishly, not even then. There is no rhyme or reason to what's going through a soon-to-be killer's mind. I have no idea how my life led me to that path for I've always been pro-life and particularly and emphatically protective of women, the elderly, and children. Yet there I was, going through a crime which caused my mind/psyche even then to rebel and the thought. And the thought that I may end up with the death penalty had yet to breach my psyche, or conscience.

All I could think was "what the hell am I doing?" And ,"I hate Jessica for getting me into this mess!"

So, I guess it is not much of a deterrent. It should be; you'd think it would be. So I'll go further and say: is it just? Yes, brutally and heartlessly so, but yes. But, least you think that a person who is the recipient of a life sentence, with or without parole, as opposed to the death sentence, is getting off easy, permit me to disavow you of the notion, please:

there have been nights I have longed to have been given the death sentence, due to the hell and torture prison has been for me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. For I tell you: this is no way to live. Some of us deserve to rot in here, for some of us have made violence a central part of our lives, and have zero remorse.

Then there are those like me, never been violent, and don't expect to ever again least it is out of self defense, or defense of another. And I can't help but feel that this life sentence has been cruel and unusual punishment, and excessive for a first and only violent crime.

But I must say, I'm deeply grateful that the death penalty was waived on us.For I, at least -- whether you think I deserve it, or not -- have the hope of tasting freedom gain some day. So is a life sentence just? Sure it is. Is it humane though? Some may think so, but at least in my case, I must say no.

I've had the best, most productive years, along with hopes, dream and goals shattered and snuffed out just as I snuffed an innocent life. But as my crime was inhumane, so is having a life sentence.

This place is punitive, not rehabilitative. No one cares if I'm reformed, they just hope I never see the light of day ever again. I can't say I blame you.

But I do ask, collectively of society, for a second chance. I've done my time and paid for my crime, and only wish to take care of my mother, and have the chance to show society that I'm in fact a contributing, law-abiding citizen of society.

This life sentence has been a torturous road, mentally/emotionally/spiritually. But it's a damn sight better than the death sentence.

To conclude: I have to say, no, the death penalty is not a deterrent, but only because people aren't thinking of it before their crime. But neither is it humane, because people deserve a second chance (this doesn't apply to repeat offenders, because obviously, they've been given countless "second chances").

Life sentences for first violent offences aren't too humane either. Trust me, I've suffered for almost 24 years in here myself, and I lost my true self in here. I'm only just finding that person -- the person my Christian grandparents raised me to be -- again and all along, my mother and grandparents have done this time with me and are guilty of nothing.

"Our actions have consequences that last long after us, entwining the present with the future in ways we cannot begin to understand. I have resolved a simple thing: I will do those things which make me happy today, and which I can also live with ten years from now."

the protagonist Penn Cage making a closing statement in the epilogue of Greg Iles' book The Quiet Game, ©1999.

I'm not sure what else to say. Just wanted to share this with you, as food for thought. I love you all and wish you Happy Holidays and a Blessed and Happy New Year. Please write or email me and include your info at: bellasprisonpen@gmail.com.

Love,

Bella